QUESTION: The Gemara (end of 21b) teaches that if a number of family members became Aveilim and started to observe the seven days of Shiv'ah, and another family member -- who was not with them when they started sitting Shiv'ah -- finds out about the death only later, when he comes to join them he may start counting the days of his Shiv'ah from the day on which the others started (and he does not have to sit a full seven days). However, this allowance applies only if three conditions are met:

1. The "Gadol ha'Bayis" (the senior member of the household) is one of those who started sitting Shiv'ah in the home earlier.

2. The Avel who comes later was in a place near the location of the other Aveilim when they started sitting Shiv'ah. (TOSFOS (DH Makom) explains that this means within a distance of ten Parsa'os, or one day's journey.)

3. Rebbi Shimon, whom the Halachah follows, says that the one who comes later may arrive as late as the seventh day of the Aveilus and still count his Aveilus according to the count of the members of the household, but only if he arrives at the house of the Aveilim while visitors are present and comforting the mourners. If he arrives after the visitors have left and the other mourners have arisen from the Shiv'ah, he must begin his seven days of Aveilus at that point and he may not follow the count of the other Aveilim.

The Gemara here (22a) discusses a situation in which the Gadol ha'Bayis goes to bury the deceased relative while the other mourners return home before the burial. Those who return home early begin sitting Shiv'ah as soon as they part with the funeral procession, and the one who remains to bury the deceased begins his Shiv'ah only at the time of the actual burial ("Setimas ha'Golel"). The Gemara asks: when the Gadol ha'Bayis returns home and joins the other Aveilim, does he follow the count of those at home or does he count his own days of Aveilus from when the burial was completed?

The Gemara concludes that the count of Shiv'ah of the Gadol ha'Bayis depends on when he joins the others. If he joins them during the first three days, he finishes with them, but if he joins them after the first three days, he counts seven days of his own.

What is the Gemara's question? The Gemara earlier says that everyone follows the Gadol ha'Bayis. Why should the Gemara now consider that the Gadol ha'Bayis follows the count of everyone else? Moreover, if the Gadol ha'Bayis does follow everyone else, why should his count depend on whether he returns during the first three days? The Halachah is in accordance with the view of Rebbi Shimon who maintains that even a brother who joins the other Aveilim on the seventh day joins their count of Shiv'ah.

(a) The Rishonim offer different explanations for the Gemara (see Tosfos DH d'Asa). The BA'AL HA'ME'OR, RA'AVAD, and others explain that although the Gadol ha'Bayis normally does not join the count of the younger family members, in this case the Gadol ha'Bayis follows their count because he was together with them when they were first informed of the death. He was delayed from starting the count with them only because he was busy with the burial. Therefore, if he returns home within three days, he may count the seven days of Shiv'ah together with those who started the Shiv'ah earlier. (Whether the cemetery was nearby or far away makes no difference.) Any other Avel who arrives also joins their count, since the Gadol ha'Bayis has the same count. If, however, three days or more pass before the Gadol ha'Bayis returns home, that amount of time is considered a significant interruption and the Gadol ha'Bayis who was delayed at the burial must count his Shiv'ah separately from those at home who started earlier.

In contrast, in the previous case of the Gemara the Gadol ha'Bayis is unable to join the count of the other Aveilim because he did not even know about the Aveilus when they started to sit Shiv'ah.

This is also the view of the RAMBAN (in TORAS HA'ADAM and MILCHAMOS), who adds two important points. He adds that this Halachah applies not only to the Gadol ha'Bayis who stays at the burial longer than the others, but even to a younger member of the household who stays longer and returns after three days -- that mourner does not count with the others. Since he knew about the death and the burial but was unable to start the Shiv'ah with the other mourners because he was involved with the burial, he may not join the count of the Gadol ha'Bayis if he returns home after three days.

The Ramban also adds that the opinion of the RIF is that even if the person who remained at the burial returns home after three days, he may join his brothers' count as long as he returns before the end of seven days, before the visitors leave. The reason why the Gemara mentions "three days" here is because it follows the opinion of the Tana Kama (21b) who says that one may join the count of the Gadol ha'Bayis only if he returns home within three days. According to this understanding, it emerges that one's involvement with the burial allows him to join his relatives' count even if the Gadol ha'Bayis is not at home; his involvement with the burial removes that requirement.

(b) Other Rishonim, including the RIVA cited by the RITVA, maintain that a person may join the count of the other Aveilim only if he did not know about the Aveilus until he joined them. If he already started the count of Shiv'ah from a separate day (when he found out about the death) before he joined them, then he may not assume their count when he joins them. Since he started his own count, he must continue it. Similarly, when the Gadol ha'Bayis stays until the end of the burial he must start his count immediately from that point. Consequently, when he returns to his family he may not join their count and ignore the count he already started. Since he started his count on a different day, he may not join the count of his relatives.

According to this understanding, the Gemara does not refer to the Gadol ha'Bayis who returns home, but to another relative who comes to join the family during the Aveilus. Normally, another relative who did not know about the death until he joined the others does not join their count unless the Gadol ha'Bayis is there. However, if the Gadol ha'Bayis was present at the time the family found out about the death, and now he is not at home because he is busy with the burial, if the newcomer arrives at the home within three days of the start of the Aveilus (when the Gadol ha'Bayis is not there) he may join the count of the other mourners, since the Gadol ha'Bayis was with them when they found out about the death. If more than three days have passed, the newcomer may not join their count, since the Gadol ha'Bayis is not there. The Gadol ha'Bayis himself, however, certainly counts from a different day (from when the burial was completed).

(According to the Riva, the newcomer does not join the count of the Gadol ha'Bayis but rather the count of the house of the Gadol ha'Bayis, which might differ from the count of the Gadol ha'Bayis.)

(c) The TOSFOS HA'ROSH in the name of "others" offers a third explanation. He bases his explanation on the assumption of the Riva that if the Gadol ha'Bayis begins his count from a separate day, he may no longer join the other Aveilim under any circumstances. However, the Tosfos ha'Rosh does not accept the proposal of the Riva that a newcomer may join the count of the other Aveilim as long as he arrives within three days of the Gadol ha'Bayis' departure, if the Gadol ha'Bayis himself counts a different count. The Tosfos ha'Rosh explains instead that the Gadol ha'Bayis who went to the cemetery did not go to bury the deceased (in which case he would start his count from the end of the burial and not from the time the other brothers started their count). Rather, he went later in the day after the burial was finished in order to build a gravestone for the deceased or to be involved in other needs of the deceased.

In such a case, the Gadol ha'Bayis certainly counts like the other Aveilim, since he began with them. The newcomer who arrives after the Gadol ha'Bayis has left the house is considered as though he joins the Gadol ha'Bayis (and joins the count of the other relatives) only when he arrives within three days of the Gadol ha'Bayis' departure. However, if three days have passed from the time the Gadol ha'Bayis left the house, the newcomer joins a house of Aveilim which does not include the Gadol ha'Bayis, and thus he follows his own count.

OPINIONS: The Gemara says that for relatives other than one's parents, an Avel may choose to tear before the edge of the garment ("Kamei Safah") or not to tear there. When he tears Keri'ah for the death of a parent, however, he must tear before the edge of the garment.

What does the expression "before the edge of the garment" mean?

(a) RASHI explains that "before the edge of the garment" refers to the stitching around the collar. By tearing "before the edge," the Avel starts the tear before the edge of the stitching and continues the tear downward, so that he does not tear the stitching itself. Rashi explains that the reason one must tear in this manner when he is an Avel for a parent is because the tear is more noticeable when the stitching is not ripped. If the stitching is ripped, it simply looks like a wider collar and not like a tear.

(b) RASHI on the RIF and others give the opposite explanation. Tearing "before the edge of the garment" does not mean that one tears below the stitching. Rather, it means that for a parent, one begins the tear from outside of the stitching and continues to tear through the stitching. They explain that the tear is more noticeable when it goes through the stitching, because then the garment comes apart. When one tears the garment only below the stitching, the tear is not as noticeable because the garment itself remains fully intact (and merely has a tear).

QUESTION: The Gemara explains that for the death of a Chacham, one is Choletz with his right arm (that is, he bares his right shoulder by placing his right arm through the top of his shirt). For the death of an Av Beis Din (who is considered more prominent than a Chacham), one is Choletz with the left arm.

Why is the act of Choletz with the left arm considered a greater sign of respect than with the right arm?

(a) The RITVA and TALMID RABEINU YECHIEL write that the reason the act of Choletz with the left arm is considered a greater sign of respect is because, in the times of the Gemara, the people wore their robes draped mostly over the left shoulder. By removing one's left shoulder, one would expose more of his upper body than by removing his right shoulder.

(b) The RAMBAM (Hilchos Avel 9:2-3) rules that for the death of an Av Beis Din or a Nasi one must rend his garment until he reveals his heart. The MISHNEH L'MELECH and others are perplexed as to the Rambam's source for such a ruling. The Gemara here cannot be the source because the Gemara implies that the laws of Aveilus for a Nasi are not the same as the laws of Aveilus for a parent, with the exception of the Halachah that one may not mend the tear by sewing it. What is the Rambam's source for ruling that one must rend his garment for the death of an Av Beis Din or a Nasi until he reveals his heart?

Perhaps the Rambam understands that the reason for tearing Keri'ah on the left side is in order to reveal one's heart. The Poskim (BACH YD 340, MAGEN AVRAHAM OC 561:4) rule that one should tear his garment on the left side for the death of a parent. The tear should be on the left side in order to reveal one's heart, which is on the left.

Accordingly, the Rambam understands that when the Gemara says that one is Choletz for an Av Beis Din on the left side, it means that he must he rend his garment on the left side. "Choletz" means, as the RIF explains, that one then puts his shoulder and arm through the tear that he made in the garment. Thus, when the Gemara says that one is Choletz on the left side for an Av Beis Din and a Nasi, it means that one also tears on the left side. This is the source for the Rambam's ruling. (M. Kornfeld)