THE CHUPAH THAT PUSHES OFF AVEILUS
(Beraisa): If the bread was baked, the animals were slaughtered, or the wine was mixed, and then the Chasan's father or Kalah's mother died:
We put the deceased in a room until after the Chupah;
They have Bi'as Mitzvah, and separate;
They celebrate the seven days of festivity (of newlyweds), followed by seven days of Aveilus.
All 14 days he sleeps among men, and she sleeps among women.
She may use any cosmetics she desires during the 30 days of Aveilus.
All this applies only when the Chasan's father or Kalah's mother died, for no one else will toil to prepare another Chupah. If his mother or her father died, the burial and Aveilus precede the Chupah.
(Rav Chisda): Permission to postpone the burial and Aveilus due to having slaughtered animals applies only if water was put on the meat. If not, the meat can be sold;
(Rava): In a large city, even if water was put on the meat, it can be sold (so we must delay the Chupah).
(Rav Papa): In a village, even if water was not put on the meat, it cannot be sold (so we may delay the burial and Aveilus).
Question: If so, where does Rav Chisda's law apply?
Answer (Rav Ashi): It applies in a middle-sized city.
A Beraisa supports Rav Chisda.
(Beraisa): Similarly, if the Kalah becomes Nidah, he sleeps among men, and she sleeps among women.
Whether or not there is an Ones, the first act of Bi'ah may not be on Shabbos night nor Saturday night.
THE SEPARATION OF THE KALAH AND CHASAN
(Beraisa): He sleeps among men, and she sleeps among women.
This supports R. Yochanan, who says that even though we do not show signs of Aveilus on a festival (a Chasan has the same law as a festival), private matters (i.e. Bi'ah) are forbidden.
(Rav Yosef brei d'Rava): They must sleep (separately) with other men and women only if they have not yet had Bi'ah.
Question: But the Beraisa says that they sleep separately, even though they have had Bi'ah!
Answer: Rav Yosef discusses only when she became Nidah.
Question: The Beraisa says 'similarly' (which connotes that the cases are identical)!
Answer: It means 'similarly, if a Kalah became Nidah before they had Bi'ah, they sleep among men/women.'
We are more stringent about Aveilus than about Nidah. We must say that a Chasan is less than careful to refrain from Bi'ah during Aveilus than to refrain from Bi'ah with a Nidah.
Question (R. Yitzchak bar Chanina): A Nidah may do everything a woman does for her husband, except for mixing his drink, making his bed, and washing his face, hands and feet. (This is more stringent than regarding Aveilus!)
(Beraisa): Even though a man cannot force his wife to color her eyes and be Pokeses (apply rouge to her face; alternatively, part her hair) during her Aveilus, she may mix his drink, make his bed, and wash his face, hands and feet.
Answer #1: That refers to her Aveilus. The restrictions of a man during his own Aveilus are more stringent than those of a Nidah.
Question: The Beraisa says that they sleep among men and women, whether his father or her mother died!
Answer: We postpone burial and Aveilus (even) when her mother died, but sleeping among men/women applies only when his father died.
Question: There is no difference between his Aveilus and hers!
(Beraisa): If a woman lost a parent, her husband cannot force her to color her eyes and be Pokeses. Rather, he inverts his bed and mourns with her;
Similarly, if a man lost a parent, his wife may not color her eyes or be Pokeses. Rather, she inverts her bed and mourns with him.
Answer: During his Aveilus, they sleep among men/women.
Question: But it says 'similarly'!
Answer: This refers to coloring eyes and being Pokeses.
Question: It says that she mourns with him. This connotes in the same bed!
Answer: No, it means in his presence;
The wife of Rav's son Chiya was mourning. Rav told him to conduct like an Avel only in front of her.
Answer #2 (to Question (i) - Rav Ashi): Normally, a person is careful about Aveilus. Here we were lenient, so we must add stringencies so he will not treat it lightly.
THE LENIENCY OF THIS AVEILUS
Question: What is the leniency of this Aveilus?
Suggestion: They may have Bi'ah before the burial.
Rejection: This is not a leniency. Aveilus did not begin yet!
R. Eliezer says that Aveilus begins when the coffin leaves the house.
R. Yehoshua says that Aveilus begins from the sealing of the coffin.
Answer: The leniency is that the week of Aveilus is postponed until after the seven days of festivities.
(Beraisa): Whether or not there is an Ones, the first Bi'ah may not be on Shabbos night nor Saturday night.
Question: Granted, Shabbos night is forbidden because he makes a wound;
Why is Saturday night forbidden?