The Gemora says that a woman is allowed to accept kedushin from a man that she has never seen before, because woman used to say; better to be married to a mediocre man than to remain a single woman, and this is the reason why a woman need not see the man. However a man has to see his future wife, lest he finds something repulsive with her.
Now my question is; it is a mitzvah for a man to marry a woman and not a mitzvah for a woman to marry a man, so wouldn't one think that better to perform the mitzvah and get married to a woman, even though later he will find her repulsive, but at least he has performed his duty; whereas the woman has performed no mitzvah, and she may also find the guy rupulsive down the line???
Gavin Simpson, South Africa
(a) The Gemara explains that the problem with the husband finding something repulsive is not just that this is unpleasant for him but probably more important, this is unfair for his wife. The Torah says that you should love your fellow-man the same way that you love yourself, so even though the husband might gain a Mitzvah of getting married, he has to think of the pain that he would give his wife if he carelessly got himself into an unsuitable marriage. It would seem in fact that to try and perform the Mitzvah of getting married in such a way would constitute a "Mitzvah ha'Ba'ah b'Aveirah" - he is performing a Mitzvah by transgressing the prohibition of hurting someone else - so this does not count as a Mitzvah at all.
In addition there are other reasons why this is a highly questionable way of performing the Mitzvah of getting married. See the Rosh Kesuvos 1:12 who writes that there is no Mitzvah as such to get married, but rather there is a Mitzvah to be fruitful and multiply ("Pru u'Revu") . (Obviously one is not allowed to perform the Mitzvah of Pru u'Revu without getting married but the marriage is only a way of making Pru u'Revu possible, while the real purpose is to bear children.) So if theoretically a man would get married, find his wife repulsive and divorce her before she had borne him children, according to the Rosh he would not have fulfilled any Mitzvah by getting married. Alternatively, if they had children together and then he divorced her because he found her repulsive this would obviously be very unhealthy for the children. In short, the Torah clearly does not want people to get married in a way that it is likely that the couple will be repelled by each other. The Gemara says in Gitin 90b that even the Mizbe'ach weeps when someone divorces his first wife.
(b)
1. You wrote that there is no Mitzvah for a woman to get married. However the Gemara here says that in fact there is a Mitzvah. This is seen in the conclusion of the Gemara that when Rav Yosef said that it is better to do a Mitzvah oneself than through one's agent this is referring to the Mitzvah that a woman has to get married.
2. The Ran (beginning of 16b in the Rif pages) explains that even though a woman does not have the Mitzvah of Pru u'Revu, nevertheless there is a Mitzvah for her to get married because this way she helps her husband to fulfil the Mitzvah.
3. In addition, several authorities maintain that a woman also has a Mitzvah of "Sheves" - to settle and populate the world. This Mitzvah is learned from the Prophet Yeshayahu 45:18: "Hash-m did not create the world to be desolate; He created it to be settled". See Shulchan Aruch EH Beis Shmuel 1:2 that a woman also has this Mitzvah. See also Mishnah Berurah 153:24 that one can even sell a Sefer Torah if there is no other way of financing the marriage of an orphan girl, because though women do not have a Mitzvah of Pru u'Revu, the Mitzvah of Sheves is applicable to women also.
KOL TUV
D. Bloom
Let's face it: we are only human and our emotional needs are usually governed more by our physical and chemical makeup than by the Torah's directives. As such, the Gemara tells us that men are usually more emotionally independent than women (because of the curse of "El Ishech Teshukasech") and therefore they can afford to be more picky about their spouses.
Look at it this way: perhaps the reason that the Mitzvah of marriage/ Pru u'Revu was given to men and not to women - even though it takes two to reproduce - is because women will find marriage in their interest even without the added imperative.
Best wishes,
Mordecai Kornfeld