with a select treasury of commentaries on all levels of Torah interpretation
Chapter 1 Mishna 14
with select commentaries
Commentaries used in this translation:
Rashi Commentary (1040-1105)
Rambam Commentary (1135-1204)
Rabbi Ovadiah of Bartenura Commentary (1445-1515)
Tiferet Yisrael commentary (1782–1860)
Rabeinu Yonah (1180-1263)
Derech Chaim - Maharal of Prague (1525-1609) (hebrewbooks.org/14193)
Biur HaGra of Rabbi Eliyahu of Vilna - (1720-1797)
Rabbi Avraham Azoulai commentary - (1570-1643)
Rabbi Chayim Yosef David Azoulai (Chida) commentary - (1724-1806)
Chatam Sofer commentary - (1762-1839), along with Ktav Sofer, and others
Ben Ish Chai commentary - (1835-1909)
and many more..
Commentary Level:
- Min - (level 1) for basic commentaries as relating to the plain meaning (Pshat).
- Med - (level 2) elaborates more into the theme.
- Max - (level 3) deeper in, Maharal of Prague.
- Max+ - (level 4) more themes in the text.
- ShortMix - (recommended) short version of level 4.
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Chapter 1 Mishna 14פרק א משנה יד
| He would say: If I am not for me, who will be for me? And if I am for myself, what am I? And if not now, when? | הוּא הָיָה אוֹמֵר, אִם אֵין אֲנִי לִי, מִי לִי. וּכְשֶׁאֲנִי לְעַצְמִי, מָה אֲנִי. וְאִם לֹא עַכְשָׁיו, אֵימָתָי. |
Bartenura - "if I am not for me, who will be for me?" - if I don't merit [torah and mitzvot] for myself, who will merit for me?
"And if I am only for myself, what am I?" - even if I merited for myself, what merit is this and what importance does it have relative to [all] that I am obligated to do?
And if not now, when? - if not in this world, when? For after death it is impossible to merit anything more. Alternatively, if not now during my youth, when? Perhaps in my old age I will not succeed.
Rabeinu Yonah - "if I am not for me" - if I don't rebuke and motivate myself in the mitzvot "who will be for me?", to rebuke me and motivate me. For the rousing of others only helps temporarily. But when one rouses himself every day, every hour, he will increasingly think thoughts on doing the work of Hash-em, and will not hide [from his duties] as his heart wishes. This is the just path.
Chida - Zeroa Yamin - "If I am not for me, who will be for me?" - even if I have a wise and capable son (ben chacham v'yo'il), this may only help to save me from Gehinom, but to complete my tikun (rectification), it will not help much.
Sforno - "And if I am only for myself, what am I?" - if I strive only to perfect myself and do not try to teach others to fulfill Hash-em's intent with many (b'rov am), what importance am I that through me alone the will of my Master be fulfilled. This fits well with my explanation (previous mishna) of "one who does not teach (yalef) incurs death" (delo yalef katala chayiv) - he who does not teach (yalef) incurs death, since he did not care to elevate the honor of his Maker with what he was able to do, as happened to Moshe with the rock...
Rambam - and if not now, when? - for the acquired (habits) and character traits strengthen and settle in..
Rabeinu Yonah - Included also in this phrase is if not now in the days of youth, when? If he leaves it for the days of old age, he will not be able to do it. On this David said: "for our sons are like saplings, grown up in their youth" (Tehilim 144:12). For when a tree is a small sapling, a man can adjust it to grow straight instead of crooked. But after it grows, it is extremely difficult to straighten it. So too for man. When he is young it is easy for him to grow in the good path and turn from evil. But after he grew old in wickedness, will it be easy for him to leave it?!.. Furthermore, teshuva (repentance) in old age is not full teshuva. For then, the yetzer is not strong and lusts increasingly weaken and are not pleasing to the nefesh (soul), and he has no desire or pleasure in sins...
Rabeinu Yosef ben Sasson: "if not now when?", i.e. if I will not toil in torah now, namely, this second that I stand inside, when will another second come in the future which will be more proper to toil than this one, or equal to it? For if I abandon this second, it will require more effort to toil in a future second, for habit rules over everything.
Another explanation, if I don't toil now in this second I stand in, and I waste it and lose it, when will I find this lost object? For there is no second of my time that I am free to waste. This reason causes the intelligent man to not waste his time for even a second and to not be lax in this time to rely on a future time.
Rabeinu Yonah - "And if I am only for myself, what am I?" - even if others rebuke me and I rebuke myself, I still can't accomplish even a thousandth of what I am obligated. The sages gave an analogy: "a king gave a field to his servants and fixed with them to produce 30 measures per year. They worked hard but produced only 5 measures. The king said to them: "but you pledged 30 measures". They replied: "the land you gave us is weak (ziborit) we worked hard but were unable to produce more than 5 measures from it."
So too we tell the Holy One, blessed be He: "the yetzer hara You placed in us is evil from youth, as written: 'for the imagination of man's heart is evil from his youth' (Ber.8:21) For even if a man works hard to do what is just in Hash-em's eyes, nevertheless, he will attain only a little bit of what was proper to do..
For without the yetzer hara which rules much over people, one would perform the mitzvot even without toiling and without going after them, like a fertile field (idit), which produces even without much work. But now that one knows that even if he works a lot, he will only attain a little due to the yetzer in the heart of man who corrupts his body, all the more so if he does not toil at all will his soul be empty of mitzvot, like a non-fertile field...
Thus "if I am for me, what am I?", if I don't rouse myself to go after the mitzvot, I will remain empty of them, and even if I am for myself and toil in the mitzvot, I will only attain a small fraction of my portion. Thus, what will I attain if I don't toil at all?
"And if not now, when?" - if one says: "today I will do my work and tomorrow I will be free to rectify myself". Perhaps you will not be free and even if you will be free, all of your life, you will never be able to pay back that day which has passed by idly without the work of Heaven. For one is obligated to rectify his body and toil in mitzvot all the days of his life on the earth, and he does not have permission to be idle from his work for even one hour.
Rabbi Avraham Azoulai - Ahava b'Taanugim - "If I am not to me, who will be for me?" - the intent is that a man should not become proud because of his money or sons. It is a kal v'chomer (logical inference): "if I, namely, my body, does not belong to me, for every moment and every second, I am destined to die, if so, what can I call mine? My money is not mine, my sons are not mine. For if my body and self is not mine, all the more so for things external to me. If so, how could I pride myself in them?
And if I am for myself, what am I? - If I think: I am still a young man and according to nature, my time [to die] has not come, for I am still for myself since I am young. But what am I really worth? As in "what are we?" (Shemot 16:7). For young men are destined to die just like old men. If so, when I am a young, I am futility and emptiness (hevel v'rik).
And if not now, when? - if so, if I don't serve my Maker now, when will I serve Him? For if we say: "tomorrow I will pay back what I owe", but tomorrow I need to serve what I am obligated in for tomorrow and Halevai (would that it were) that I will pay what I owe for tomorrow...
Ben Ish Chai - Zechut Avot - this hints on the trait of humility. It is known that one who holds onto the trait of humility gains that he will have no enemies and accusers. Rather, he will be beloved above and cherished below. Thus, "if I am not for me", i.e. I think myself as nothing, "who will be for me?", who will fight me and be jealous of me? "And if I am only for myself", but when I make myself appear full of wisdom and wealth, "what am I" (people will question what is he really?).
Tiferet Yisrael - here Hillel is speaking about humility in thought. There are three reasons in thought for the arrogant person to feel arrogance.
One, he thinks he possesses some quality (maala), such as wealth, beauty, wisdom, or the like. On this he answers: "if I am not for me", i.e. if I and my arrogant thoughts do not belong to me to conquer [them], who and with what can I pride myself in that does belong to me? (translator: i.e. the only quality that truly belongs to me is the quality of conquering my arrogant thoughts). Or, on who can I rule over if I am unable to rule over myself?
Two, that he thinks and prides himself on every little thing he does as if he did grand things and wonders in the world. He tells himself in his heart: "indeed, by my own efforts, I have accomplished all these things. How could my heart not become proud?"
On this he answers:
"And if I am only for myself, what am I?", i.e. I know that I did not do the good because it is good, nor did I do it because this is the will of the Creator. Rather, I did it for myself, to pride myself, and all my deeds are tainted with arrogance. What importance can such a deed have?
Alternatively, when I sit in solitude with myself and examine myself well, I find many personal flaws. Although they are concealed from all other people, it is enough for me that they are known to He who knows hidden things and to myself. How could my heart not be broken inside?..
Three, he thinks humility is only befitting and noble to someone who has reached great levels and honor. Then, when such a person stoops down from his high throne to speak and deal with the small people, a "thread of kindness will be drawn from him", and humility will be befitting him.
But as long as one's honor has not taken root, he thinks humility and submission will damage him. For people will consider him a simpleton and will scorn him. On this he answered "And if not now, when?", if you don't employ the trait of humility now while you are still truly small and lowly, and while it befits your standing, "when" will you employ it? For when your feathers (honor) grow a bit, you will consider yourself like an eagle in the sky and say "I am, and there is none else besides me (ani vafsi od)" (Isaiah 47:8).
Maharal - in the Midrash (Vayikra Rabba ch.4): "all a man's labor is for his mouth [and also the nefesh (soul) will not be satiated]" (Kohelet 6:7), R. Shmuel bar Yitchak says: "all that a man labors in mitzvot and good deeds is only for his mouth and not for the mouth of his son or daughter".
The Midrash continues:
R. Levi says: "and also the soul will not be satiated". Since the soul knows that all that it toils in is for itself, therefore it is not satiated with mitzvot and good deeds.
R. Levi says: this is analogous to a peasant farmer who married a princess. Even if he brings her his choicest goods.. he does not fulfill his duty (lo yotzei yedei chovato). Why? Because she is a princess. So too, for all that a man labors on his soul, he does not discharge his duty. Why? Because the soul is from on high (milemaala, i.e. higher worlds). end quote.
Through this Midrash, they clarified that however much a man perfects (mashlim) himself, this perfection is only for himself and does not go to anyone else, not even his son or daughter; only to him.
R. Levi said on this verse: "also the nefesh (soul) will not be satiated", this adds so that one does not say: "it is possible for one's soul to be satiated with mitzvot and good deeds, just like when a man eats and drinks much he will certainly fill his stomach [and be satiated]". On this he answered: "also the nefesh (soul) will not be satiated". For the soul always wants to perfect (mashlim) itself more and more.
R. Levi then brings an analogy to a peasant farmer who married a princess whereby he cannot possibly fulfill his duty towards the princess.
So too for the neshama who is from on high; she is married to a man possessing a physical body, and even if the man does mitzvot and good deeds and they are perfection to the soul, but nevertheless, the soul will not be filled, namely that it be whole with complete perfection (sheleimut gamur). For it itself is from Hash-em, blessed be He, according to what is proper to it.
Due to this, it is not satiated from the torah, mitzvot, and good deeds man does with his body. For according to the exaltedness of the soul, who is from above, while man possessing a physical body, is from below. Thus the soul is not satisfied from this completely as is befitting the soul who is from Heaven.
On these things, Hillel said: "If I am not for me, who will be for me?". For man needs to perfect (mashlim) himself, and the perfection (sheleimut) will not come to him from someone else.
"And if I am for myself, what am I?" - i.e. [even if] man does mitzvot with his body and as we explained in the introduction on the verse: "a mitzvah is a candle, and the Torah is light" (Mishlei 6:23), this does not bring complete hashlama (perfection) to the soul. Thus, he said "what am I?", for I am but a man. (translator: i.e. even if I do my best, nevertheless, I cannot perfect my soul completely)
He added a third statement: "if not now, when?" For man's days are few. Thus it is incumbent on man to wake up from his sleep and do mitzvot and good deeds. Since he cannot rely on others and even if he does all that is incumbent on him, he should not think that he can complete and satiate his soul. For even if he is for himself, what is he? He is unable to satiate his soul with mitzvot and good deeds. All the more so, if not now, when? For his days are few and he will be taken away suddenly and be no more (in this world).
All of Hillel's words are of humility as was his trait. Thus he said them together. Shammai likewise gave mussar according to his trait.. (continued next mishna).
Translator - "And if I am for myself, what am I?" - the arrogant Haman said: "all this is worth nothing to me" (kol ze eineno shavei li). Although the whole world bowed down to him and he was the richest man, he felt totally empty because he didn't have everything and everyone bowing to him.
Both the righteous and the wicked are never satiated. But the righteous feeds his soul real food while the wicked feeds himself imaginary food. The righteous man feels real joy and his soul thirsts for more joy, while the wicked man feels emptiness and sadness. But instead of giving up his toys, he tries to fill himself with more toys which only increase his emptiness and sadness. And as the Vilna Gaon wrote: "The world is like one who drinks salty water: he thinks it quenches his thirst, but it only makes him thirstier" (Iggeret HaGra).
Ruach Chaim - if I am not for me.. - for the yetzer hara (evil inclination) blinds a man's eyes by telling him always: "how can you possibly learn torah? You are forced to toil in your livelihood to provide for your wife and small children. And how much more so in our times when the yoke of earning a livelihood has grown heavy.
But in truth it is only the counsel of the blinding yetzer. For our sages taught: "before the formation of the fetus, it was decreed on the drop whether he will be rich or poor" (Nidah 16b). This is in a general way for all of one's lifetime. And in particular, each and every year it is said: "a person's sustenance is fixed for him from Rosh Hashana".
Thus, despite all his toil, he will not attain even a tiny bit more than what was fixed for him, and he could have attained this same amount even with little toil. But for torah, everything is according to the toil. The more he exerts himself, the more he will increase knowledge (daat). This is what Hillel said regarding toil in torah: "if I am not for me who will be for me?" For everything depends on me. But regarding matters of this world: "And if I am only for myself, what am I?", for this depends on Hash-em (what He fixed on Rosh Hashana).
Furthermore, in three ways toil in torah and yirah is different from toil in one's livelihood.
One, toil in torah and yira is incumbent on man and Hash-em asks this from him, unlike one's livelihood. For there, although we were commanded to "benefit from the work of our hands", but salvation comes from Hash-em and extra toil will not avail nor succeed. So why would a man toil much for that which Hash-em can provide without any toil (livelihood) while leaving aside that which is in his ability and incumbent on him (torah).
Two, for matters of this world, he will not add anything to what was fixed for him by toiling more. But in torah, "he who comes to purify himself is helped", and even so, he will be paid full reward, as written in Sukkah...
Three, for matters of this world, if one skips a day, he can make it up the next day. But for service of Hash-em, one cannot fulfill today the obligations of another day. Would that it were (halevai) that one could fulfill each day's obligations. If one discharged his obligations for today, fortunate is he.
another explanation:
"If I am not for me, who will be for me? And if I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now, when?"
(1) "if I am not for me", for matters of Heaven, "who will be for me?", for it is in my hands only, not in the hands of Heaven.
(2) "And if I am only for myself", i.e. without help from my Creator, "what am I?" For "every day the yetzer of a man strengthens itself seeking to slay him, without Hash-m's help, man could not prevail" (Kiddushin 30b).
One should not say: "if so, I will wait unti I am granted help from Heaven".
For the beginning needs to come from man himself, and according to the magnitude of the preparation and strengthening, will be the corresponding increase in divine help from Heaven, as our sages said: "one who comes to purify himself is helped", i.e. only if he comes first, as before. This is what he said: "if I am not for me", if I am not the one who begins, "who will be for me?", "And if I am only for myself", without help from Hash-em, "what am I", "and if not now, when?", for tomorrow cannot pay the debt of now.
Furthermore later in chapter 2: "repent one day before your death". But here he says even at all times, every second, one needs to repent. For a man is not assured of what will be for even one second. This is the meaning of "if not now, when?"...
For the yetzer hara comes to entice a man on three fronts.
One, a man imagines to himself that he is a tzadik (righteous).
Two, or he tells him: "repent in your old age".
Three, wait until you repent out of love.. corresponding to these David said: "I am poor, and close to sudden death; I have borne Your fear.." (Tehilim 89:16). Corresponding to the first: "I am poor", i.e. I am poor in good deeds.
Corresponding to the second "close to sudden death", I don't know the day of my death and every day I think maybe it is today and I need to repent before death.
Corresponding to the third: "I have borne Your fear..", and halevai that I repent out of fear.
Chida - Roshei Avot - in their wisdom, the language of the Tannaim (sages of the mishna) includes many different things simultaneously. For the Ruach Hash-em (Spirit of G-d) spoke through them...
Translator - we will now see many more amazing facets of this mishna...
In the Talmud (Yomah 35b):
"It was reported about Hillel the Elder that every day he used to chop wood and earn one tropaik, half of which he would give to the guard at the Beit Midrash (House of Learning), the other half he spent for his food and for that of his family. One day he found nothing to earn and the guard at the Beit Midrash would not permit him to enter. He climbed up the roof and sat upon the window, to hear the words of the living G-d from the mouths of Shemayah and Avtalion - That day was the eve of Sabbath in the winter solstice and snow fell down upon him from the sky.
When the dawn rose, Shemayah said to Avtalion: Avtalion, my brother, on every day there is light in this house and today it is dark, is it perhaps a cloudy day? They looked up and saw the figure of a man in the window. They went up and found him covered by three cubits of snow. They removed him, bathed and anointed him and placed him opposite the fire and they said: This man deserves that the Sabbath be profaned on his behalf..." end quote.
Chasdei David - "If I am not for me, who will be for me?" - if I did not go up on the roof [who will be for me?], for they did not allow me to enter the Beit Midrash.
If you say: "you should have learned torah at home", "And if I am for myself, what am I?". I needed to hear the words of the living G-d from the mouths of Shemaya and Avtalyon..
And if you say: "you should have waited until you earned enough money to be able to enter". On this, he answered: "And if not now, when?", if I don't hear now the words of torah from the mouths of Shemaya and Avtalyon, when will I hear?
And as taught later: "do not say: 'When I am free, I will study"; perhaps you will never be free'"..., and in the talmud: "Rav said: 'a man should not absent himself from the Beit Midrash even one hour" (Beitzah 24b).
Chatam Sofer end of Vayikra - "If I am not for me, who will be for me?" - one can be a good speaker, but if he does not practice what he preaches, if the Rav does not "appear like an angel of G-d" (Chagigah 15b), then also his students won't succeed.
"And if I am for myself" - if I am completely righteous (tzadik gamur) but don't raise up students "what am I?" And if one says: "while I am young, I will work on myself, and later on when I am old, I will raise up some students. This, way I will succeed in both areas". On this he answered: "if not now, when?"
Chatam Sofer Drashot vol.3 24:1 - it is known to every intelligent person that our intent in these days (high holidays) is not to pray for the livelihood and sustenance of this dark physical body, whose good will not benefit us, who obstructs the intellect (sechel) and brings up powerfuls fumes and fogs to darken one's eye, to extinguish its light, the candle of G-d, the soul of man.
Rather, our intent and purpose is to rectify our souls, to raise the eternal lamp towards the path which ascends to the House of G-d. But since this is impossible without the assistance of the body, for a man cannot serve G-d while he is hungry, thirsty and tired, worn out and without desire. Therefore, we put our heart to pray on this hotel-keeper, to provide his sustenance and benefit from his folly.
Perhaps on this Hillel had intent when telling himself:
"If I am not for me, who will be for me?" - for in this body there is no help and no avail. Perhaps you will say: "if so, for what purpose were we placed in physical bodies?".
"And if I am for myself", without a body, "what am I? For I would be on a spiritual plane (without free will) and without reward and punishment.
"And if not now", before I separate from the body, "when?" For death is waiting.
Chasdei David - in the book Magen Avot (Maharshak) the words of Hillel are explained as going on tefila (prayer). Here is a summary of his words.
Prayer is a positive mitzvah (commandment) from the torah, to pray before Hash-em, blessed be He. Even though one should trust in G-d, but nevertheless, one is obligated to pray for his needs. And if he does not pray, it will not be given to him from Heaven.
The manner of prayer needs to be according to our sages: "whoever associates (meshatef) the Name of Heaven with his suffering, will have his livelihood doubled" (Berachot 63a).
According to this, here is the explanation of the Mishna:
"If I am not for me" - if I don't pray for myself, to ask for my needs, "who will be for me?". No creature will care at all for me. Rather, I need to beseech Him, blessed be He, for my livelihood.
Nevertheless, "if I am for myself", if I don't associate (meshatef) the Name of Heaven in my suffering (tzaari), that I have intent only for myself, "what am I?", that I be worthy of having my prayer accepted and what will I attain for myself alone?
But if I have intent to associate (leshatef) Him, blessed be He, then I will receive much. For then "his livelihood is doubled". And he said: "and if not now, when?". For our sages said: "one should always pray before troubles come" (Sanhedrin 44b). Namely, during troubles, it is a time of wrath (charon af) and it is difficult for one's prayer to be accepted. But if one prays not during troubles, then it is a favorable time (eit ratzon). Therefore, it will be easier for the prayer to be accepted.
Ketav Sofer, Derashot, Derash Shabbat HaGadol - Hillel was the Nassi of Israel (leader of the generation). Although he was extremely humble, nevertheless, he would conduct his position in an elevated manner, not associating excessively with everyone. He said: "if am not for me", to conduct myself in an elevated manner, "who will be for me?".
No one will listen to my words. Therefore, he adorned himself (hithader) before the people. But he did not become proud in his heart due to this. Because when he was by himself, he would consider in his heart that he has nothing to be proud of. Thus, "when I am for myself?", when I am by myself in solitude and separated from the people, I know that "what am I?", there is nothing in me, as before.
Ben Ish Chai - Zechut Avot - this hints on the trait of humility. It is known that one who holds onto the trait of humility gains that he will have no enemies and accusers. Rather, he will be beloved above and cherished below. Thus, "if I am not for me", i.e. I think myself as nothing, "who will be for me?", who will fight me and be jealous of me? "And if I am only for myself", but when I make myself appear full of wisdom and wealth, "what am I" (people will question what is he really?).
Ben Ish Chai - Zechut Avot - "if I am not for me.." (kabalistic) - it is known that Moshe Rabeinu is of the "Mi", which is the Sod of Bina.. it is known that Hillel was extremely humble. And in order to not attribute good to himself, he said: "if I am not for me who is for me (Mi li)", i.e. if you see that it appears that I don't consider myself as anything, this is not due to me. Rather, it is from the power of "Mi Li", "Mi" to me, i.e., a hint to Moshe Rabeinu who merited Binah which is called "Mi". For I was a nitzutz (spark) of him. Due to this I merited humility.
Ben Ish Chai - Chasdei Avot - "if I (ani) am not (ain) to me (li), who (mi) is for me?" (kabalistic) - it is known that the Keter is called "ain" (aleph-yud-nun), and the Malchut which is the tenth (sefira) is called "ani". It is also known that Bina, which is the Sod (secret) of Olam Haba (the world to come), is called "mi", and the tzadik who is called a "ben olam haba" elevates the mayim nukvim to Bina above from the Malchut who is called "ani", for the small lower ones (people), elevate only in Malchut specifically.
This is the meaning of "if I am not for me (im ain ani li mi li)", i.e. I miyached all the ten sefirot from the Keter which is called "ain" until the Malchut which is called "ani", that through this I draw down shefa from the Keter to the Malchut, then "mi li", I will merit to be called a "ben Olam Haba", and I will have the power to elevate the mayim nukvim to Binah who is called "mi". But when I am for myself, i.e. the malchut which is called "I am only for myself" (ani hi levada l'atzmi), for all that I elevate above only goes to the Malchut and not higher, then "what am I?", i.e. what can such a small man be considered compared to other great tzadikim who are Benei Olam Haba?
Ben Ish Chai - Birkat Avot - (kabalistic) - it is known that during the Galut (exile), we need to scream (in prayer) before the Holy One, blessed be He, to bring the Geulah (redemption). This needs to be for the honor of the Shechinah, so to speak, who is with us in exile and not for our own honor. For what are we worth? Where is our torah and our mitzvot to protect us? On this, he said:
"if I (ani) am not for me", i.e. if the Shechinah who is called "Ani" is not for me, to help me when I scream to the Holy One, blessed be He, "who is for me?", i.e. who will help me? For where is our torah and our mitzvot to protect us.
"And if I am for myself", i.e. if I ask for the Geulah for myself only, "what am I", that I be worthy of screaming for myself?...
Ben Ish Chai - Birkat Avot - (kabalistic) - "And if I am for myself, what am I?" - Rabeinu Chaim Vital wrote in his commentary on pirkei avot as follows:
"Know that G-d and His torah are one, and likewise on Yisrael, His people, it is written: 'who is like Your people Israel, one people..' (Shmuel II 7:23). And He said: 'all that is called by My Name, and whom I created for My glory, I formed him and I made him' (Isaiah 43:7)".
The matter (inyan) is as follows. You already know that the soul has five names: Nefesh, Ruach, Neshama, Chaya, Yechida. These correspond to the five worlds. For Nefesh is from the world of Asiyah, Ruach from the world of Yetzira, Neshama from Beriah, and Neshama of Neshama is from Atzilut. In this way too is man's body. The skin corresponds to the world of Asiyah, the flesh corresponds to Yetzira, the Gidim (sinews) to Briah, and the bones to Atzilut...". end quote. see there his holy words.
Thus, we learned that the bones correspond to Atzilut. And behold all of our aspirations in our good deeds are in order to elevate the fruit of our deeds to the world of Atzilut, which is called the "world of machshava (thought)", for there is the absolute rectification (tachlit hatikun).
For "through wisdom all is purified" (b'chachma itbarir kula). Behold man is called by several names: "Enosh", "Gever", "Ish", and "Adam". But the choicest of them is the title (to'ar) "Adam". For thus our sages, of blessed memory, said: "you are called Adam but the nations are not called Adam".
For Adam is gematria 45. This equals the Name Havaya with Milui Alephin as brought in the petichat Eliyahu.. see there. With this we understand:
"if I am for myself (l'atzmi)", i.e. I strive to ascend the tikun l'atzmi (to my bones), a hint to Atzilut, which is on the level of bones, in this, I will merit to be called Adam. This is "what am I" (ma ani), I am "ma", which is gematria 45, as the Name Havaya with Milui Alephin, which corresponds to Atzilut.. (see there for more)
Chida - Zeroa Yamin - "And when I am for myself", namely, I did all my righteous acts, I must still know "what am I?", what did I become obligated in from past Gilgulim (lives).. and if you say: since I know that I am a tzadik (righteous man) now, what do I care about the past? On this he answered: "if not now, when" will I rectify? For I will need to come back in a different Gilgul, and who knows if I will be ready to rectify like this day.
Chida - Chasdei Avot - (kabalistic) if a man sinned a great sin whereby there is no teshuva (repentance) for him due to the enormity of his sin, this is only if he did a medium (beinonit) teshuva. But if he does a great teshuva in the level (bechina) of Binah, then his teshuva is accepted.
They also said that a man needs to [always] increase his deeds and to ascend higher levels.
At first, he willl merit to the Nefesh which is the level (Bechina) of Malchut.
Afterwards, if he merits further, he will merit the Ruach, the level (Bechina) of Ze'er Anpin (Yesod) and so on.
"If I am not for me, who will be for me? And if I am for myself, what am I? And if not now, when?"
We may say this is a hint here:
"if I (ani) am not for me", i.e. if I sinned to the extent that the Malchut does not accept me with Teshuva beinonit, for "ani" hints to Malchut. Thus, "if I (ani) am not", of the bechina of Malchut, since my sins were great, nevertheless, there is still hope, "who is for me? (mi li?)". "Mi" hints to Binah which has 50 gates, as the gematria of "Mi" (mem-yud). If I strengthen in teshuva to the level of Binah, "mi li" (Binah is to me)..
"And if I am for myself", i.e. one who merited to the level of Nefesh, the level of Malchut, which is "Ani", he must nevertheless strive to acquire the Ruach, Ze'er Anpin, "what am I? (ma ani)", the level of the "Ma" (Mem- Heh), which is Ze'er Anpin. This is the meaning of "ma ani?" - "mem-heh ani", that I merit to the level of "mem-heh ani". "And if not now, when", for "there is neither deed nor reckoning, neither knowledge nor wisdom in the grave, where you are going" (Kohelet 9:10).