The Kollel wrote the following in Insights to the Daf-

>>1) "ZIVUG RISHON" AND "ZIVUG SHENI" QUESTION: Rav Shmuel bar Rav Yitzchak says in the name of Reish Lakish that a man's Zivug is made only according to his deeds ("l'Fi Ma'asav"). Rabah bar bar Chanah adds in the name of Rebbi Yochanan that making a Zivug is as difficult as Keri'as Yam Suf.

The Gemara challenges Reish Lakish's assertion that a Zivug is determined based on a person's deeds from the statement of Rav Yehudah in the name of Rav, who says that forty days before the creation of the embryo, a Bas Kol issues forth and pronounces who his Zivug will be ("Ploni l'Bas Ploni"). If the Zivug is already determined, based on Mazal, then how can it be determined based on one's deeds?

The Gemara answers that only the "Zivug Sheni" is determined by one's deeds. The "Zivug Rishon" is based on Mazal.

The reason why the Zivug is determined based according to one's deeds is because if a person's deeds are meritorious, he is given a better Zivug (see Rashi). Why, though, is the Zivug Rishon -- which is decreed before the person is born -- not dependent on the person's deeds? That Zivug should also depend on the person's deeds! Why should a person who is a Tzadik be stuck with a woman who is not a Tzadekes just because that is what was decreed for him at the time of his creation? <<

It seems to me that you could say that zivug rishon was when both neshamas were in Shamayim, and that it is impossible to say that either of them were roshoim - In fact, you must say they were both higher than tzaddikim! Only later through the challenges of this world and of the Yetzer ha Ra do these neshamos fall. Thus sometimes apparent mismatches. But all is not lost. Far from it. We each get a "clean slate" on our wedding day, and we get to start over (It would seem from our original height), after which only our deeds WITHIN marriage would influence us. This may be what the gemara means by zivug sheni.

This pshat has an advantage: It allows us to read these comments as directly dealing with the inyan of kinui. The idea of zivug sheni was introduced to tell us that a jealous man would get a jealous wife. According to this pshat, all this happens after he gets jealous, thus throwing away what WOULD HAVE BEEN a PERFECT marriage.

Using other pshatim, he gets stuck with a bad marriage due to events preceding the marriage. This does not fit very well into the Gemara's use of this concept, which, again, was to discourage jealousy.

Thank you.

Randy Lazarus