Dear Aleksandar,

Let's examine the Gemara Sanhedrin 76b first. Rav says it is not a good idea to marry off his daughter to an older man (he doesn't say it is forbidden, just that it is not a good idea). From Rashi it is clear that we are speaking specifically about a grown girl (Bogeres) - not a minor - to an old man. The reasoning is that since the man is old it will be difficult for him to fulfill his obligations of intimacy towards his wife and she, being a young mature woman, will find this difficult to bear and might be led to adultery.

Now let's have a look at Sanhedrin 55b. The Gemara states a fact that, according to the Torah, a minor girl, even as young as three, can be betrothed through intimacy with her husband. However, the Gemara Kiddushin 41a says in the name of Rav that it is forbidden for a man to marry off his daughter until she matures (she has passed through puberty and reached the age of twelve and a half) and can express her desire to marry a particular man. And, in fact, that is what the Mishnah says there - that a man can only marry off his daughter when she has matured to twelve and a half.

One might ask how the Torah could allow a man to marry off his daughter when she is only three if the Chachamim forbid it until she has matured? Along the same lines, one could ask how could the Torah allow the institution of slavery, a concept that modern man finds repugnant? I think the answer to both questions is that we have to remember that we are judging the Torah and history from our comfortable perch of general economic well being and a strong social safety net. But there were times when if a person couldn't work as a slave he might starve to death or when families couldn't provide for their children's basic needs and their daughter might be better off married to someone that could support her. Tosafos (Kiddushin 41a, "Asur l'Adam") says that the practice in Medieval France and Germany had become for Jewish families to marry off their daughters when they were minors because the economic situation was so precarious for the Jews then that if they waited until the girl matured they might not be able to marry her off. (We have to say that the Ba'alei Tosafos understood that when Rav said it was forbidden to do this, he meant under normal circumstances).

Of course, even if the Torah permits these things it sets up strict guidelines to govern them (the master of a Jewish slave must provide for the slave's wife and children, a minor girl is entitled to all the rights afforded to a Jewish wife, etc).

One might also ask, how was it possible for Yitzchak to marry Rivka when she was only three years old (see Rashi at the beginning of Parshas Toldos)? The first thing we can say is that there are those that argue with Rashi and say that she was fourteen when he married her (see Da'as Zekeinim Ba'alei haTosafos there). In defense of Rashi, we can say that we are dealing here with an extaordinary woman, one of the founding mothers of the Jewish people. Rashi says in Parshas Chayei Sarah that Rivka told her family that she is marrying Yitzchak whether they like it or not (24:58). In other words, she was exceptionally mature and even Rav would agree that she could get married because she was able to express her desire to marry a particular man.

Kol Tuv,

Yonasan Sigler

This is not a Psak Halachah