The gemara in sotah says its better to be thrown in a fuernace of fire then embarrassing your friend in public. The gemara in Senhedrin (74b) says that we say iharah val yevar by 3 things (murder, evadaha zara and gilui arayas) but doesnt list embarrassing a firend. Why does it not list it?
Ahron Fishman, Bronx, NY
Your question is asked by several Mefarshim
(1) Tosfos 10b DH NOACH answers that the reason that embarrassment is not mentioned as one of the 3 cardinal sins is because "Halbonos Ponim" is not stated explicitly in the Torah, and the Gemara only mentions transgressions which are stated explicitly.
[The Pri Chodosh, in his commentary Mayim Chayim on Rambam Hilchos Yesodei HaTorah 5:2, cites our Tosfos, and writes that the Rambam maintains that one must give up one's life in order not to embarrass a friend, and the reason the Rambam does not mention this is for the same reason that Tosfos gives.]
(2) Another answer to your question can be understood from what Rabeinu Yonah writes in The Gates of Repentance (3:139) that embarrassing someone is considered the "dust of murder", i.e. it is similar to murder because it causes a person's face to turn white, which means that the blood disappears from his face. Therefore it is similar to "spilling blood". Chazal compared the "dust of murder" to murder itself, and one must give up one's life to avoid transgressing.
The Gemara Sanhedrin 74b states that one must also give up one's life for "Avizraihu" of the 3 sins, i.e. aspects which are similar to the chief prohibition even they are not the chief prohibition itself. (Therefore, for instance, Shach YD 157:10 writes that one must give up one's life rather than embrace immodestly a woman who is forbidden to him).
According to this we can understand why, according to Rabeinu Yonah, the Gemara does not mention embarrassment as one of the 3 transgressions, because it is actually included in, and is similar to, the prohibition against murder.
(3) Another answer can be given according to Meiri Berachos 43b ( DH l'Olam Yizaher, p. 160 in Machon HaTalmud edition) who writes " A person should always be careful not to embarrass his friend in public. In the way of 'Tzachus', Chazal said that it is better to throw oneself into a furnace rather than emberrass....". The word "Tzachus" is difficult to translate but possibly one can say it means "stylistically". Minchas Shlomo 1:7, p.55 DH u'Midei, by R. Shlomo Zalman Auerbach zt'l, understands that Meiri maintains that these words of Chazal are Agada and not Halachically binding (they were speaking only in a stylistic way).
[Minchas Shlomo writes that we find a similar Gemara in Bava Kama 119a, that anyone who steals a "Peruta" worth from his friend, is as if he took his soul away from him, but even so one does not literally have to sacrifice his life to refrain from theft.]
According to this, the reason the Gemara Sanhedrin does not mention embarrassing amongst the 3 cardinal sins, is because one is not in fact obliged to give up one's life for this.
[See also Bava Metzia 59a, and Pnei Yehoshua, Iyun Yaakov and Ben Yehoyada there.]
Shavua Tov
Dovid Bloom
P.S. We get a Mazeltov because our son got engaged! Simchos by you too!