Pirkei Avot - Ethics of the Fathers

~Level 1~
Tiferet Yisrael - "let your home be open wide" - as much as you can to the poor and to the rich. So that whoever seeks help whether physical, financial, advice, will find it in your home.

"do not converse excessively.." - do not speak to her too much regarding the guests for "a woman is more stingy with guests than a man" (Bava Metzia 87a).

~Level 1~
Bartenura - "let your home be open wide" - like the house of Avraham, peace be unto him, which was open from all four directions so that guests would not need to go around it to find the entrance.

"let the poor be members of your household" - instead of buying servants to serve you. Better that Jews benefit from your property than the cursed seed of Canaan.

"do not converse excessively.." - as our sages expounded on the verse: "Who declares to man his speech" (Amos 4:13) - even casual talk between a man and his wife is related to a man at the time of judgment" (Chagiga 5b).. Another explanation, when a man tells his wife his happenings, such and such happened with so and so, she incites him to start an argument. For example by Korah, when he told her what Moshe did in lifting and waving the Leviim, and through her words, she brought him to start a dispute with Moshe. Alternatively, when her husband tells her how so and so disrespected him and embarrassed him, she will also scorn her husband in her heart. Thus he brought evil unto himself.

"neglects the study of Torah" - he is drawn after idle talk and does not study torah.

~Level 1~
Rambam - "whoever converses excessively with a woman causes evil to himself" - he will acquire lowly traits, namely great lust.

~Level 1~
Ahava b'Taanugim - one who is drawn after physical pleasures becomes idle from torah. For torah and physical pleasures are like two competing wives. When one rises the other falls.

~Level 1~
Rabeinu Yonah - "all the more so for the wife of your fellow" - for the yetzer (lust) is very strong. For he thinks perhaps she will be permitted to me in the future. And even more so for the wife of a gentile (who is forbidden) since "stolen waters become sweet" (Mishlei 9:17).. And thoughts of torah cannot exist in one's mind while his heart turns to a woman and her talk. For they are two [opposite] types of thoughts which the heart cannot hold at the same time.

~Level 2~
Midrash Shmuel - "all the more so for the wife of your fellow" - why did he not say a single woman? It seems the answer is that the greater the sin, the greater the yetzer hara (evil inclination) to sin. Thus, there is a very powerful pull towards sinning with a married woman. For this he warned specifically against this.

~Level 2~
Ruach Chaim - "let your home be open wide" - do not be enticed by your yetzer (evil inclination), and especially in these difficult times, when he tells you: "is it not enough that you just barely provide for yourself and your household? Why should you squander your money on others?".

On this the Tanna said "let your home be open wide". On the contrary, from this you will have a "widening" (harvacha). As before, the nature of tzedaka is that it makes wealthy. And as our sages said: "the salt (preservation) of money is to diminish it" (Ketuvot 66b).. and "the poor man does more for the host (baal habayit) than what the host does for the poor man" (Midrash Ruth).

One must also appease the poor man with words and speak to him with a pleasant facial expression, as he does with the members of his household.. and on this: "do not converse excessively with a woman" - even for a poor woman.

~Level 3~
Maharal - Both are together as one pair, for one was Nassi (chief rabbi) and the other was Av Beit Din (chief judge); and both together were fathers of the generation, thus, they both spoke on one matter, namely, rectifying a man's home. This is a major matter and is necessary for one to be completely rectified.

It is proper to ask on the words of Yossi ben Yochanan, who said: "let your home be open wide, and let the poor be members of your household". What is the connection between these two things and "do not converse excessively with a woman"? It seems they are not connected to each other.

Furthermore, he said: "this was said regarding one's own wife". From where is it implied that their words refer to one's own wife? He should have just said: "do not speak excessively with your wife, and all the more so, with your fellow's wife".

Furthermore, what is the matter of this evil he causes himself in speaking excessively to a woman?

Another question: he says that he becomes idle from torah study. It is superfluous to say this. For anyone who speaks much useless speech is automatically idle from torah. Furthermore, "he descends to Gehinom" - what is this great fury that he descends to Gehinom?!

The explanation is as follows. Yossi ben Yochanan of Jerusalem comes to rectify man's home to make it holy. Thus, these three things apply to a man's home. For when a man has a home, people come there to borrow things or the like. Guests also come to him when he has a home. Secondly, there are necessarily members of his household living with him in the home. Thirdly, there is his wife who takes care of the home..

Therefore, he said: "Let your home be open wide", that there should be people coming there to ask their needs.

Secondly, he should not lock his door to the travellers. Rather, let them come in and receive sustenance. Corresponding to this, he said: "let poor people be members of your household". That there be always poor people in his home until the poor are members of his household, thereby receiving their sustenance with honor.

Corresponding to the third tikun (rectification), namely, the wife, he said: "do not converse excessively with a woman". For if he wants his home to be a holy home, as is proper, he should not "converse excessively with a woman..all the more so regarding the wife of another".

For certainly, that which they said: "do not converse excessively, etc.". This is because he is coming to rectify man's home. And since his wife is the housekeeper (akeret bayit), for all matters of the house depend on her, therefore, it was necessary to rectify and say: "do not converse excessively with a woman", even for matters of the home, do not converse excessively without need. And all the more so, for the wife of your fellow which is not relevant to rectifying your home. Thus "this was said regarding one's own wife - all the more so regarding the wife of another"..

"From here, the sages said: "One who excessively converses with a woman causes evil to himself" - i.e. once they exhorted that even for one's wife, he should not converse excessively, then from here they said that "whoever excessively converses with a woman causes evil to himself". For if this were not so, why would they forbid [excessive] speech with one's wife?

The explanation of this is as follows. One who talks excessively with his wife tends and is drawn towards a state of existence which is lacking and clings to "inexistence" (he'ader) which is evil (i.e. since he fails to fulfill his role in the world).

And as we said earlier in the introduction, that once the woman was created, the Satan was created with her. For from "in the beginning.." (Genesis 1:1) until the creation of the woman (Genesis 2:21), the letter "Samech" is absent. But when the woman was created, the letter "Samech" appears to teach you that "once the woman was created, the Satan was created with her" (Ber.Rabba ch.17).

The explanation of this matter is as we said. For a woman is more physical than a man. Man is on the level of Tzura (form) relative to woman. And since the woman is more physical, the Satan was created with her. The Satan is the angel of death. He is a power from which "inexistence" comes to the creations. For inexistence follows from physicality, as known of the physicality that clinged to him (Adam) and drew him to inexistence.

This is the meaning of "once the woman was created, the Satan was created with her" (Ber.Rabba ch.17), i.e. relative to the (higher, more abstract) level of man, lacking and inexistence clings to the woman. This is the meaning of: "whoever converses excessively with a woman causes evil to himself", i.e. when man is drawn after a woman on which clings the inexistence, and there is no greater evil than inexistence.

(translator - whereby he fails to full his purpose of bringing down torah to the world. The women's role is to build a home, raise children and other stage settings. Her role is not torah study and illumination of wisdom.)

This matter is known. However this is not at all a debasement of the woman herself. Only that this matter that a man descends from his level to be drawn after the woman by excessive talk, in this, he turns from existence towards inexistence. For him, this is a lacking and an evil. For he turns from his level of man to a level which is lacking relative to his level.

Because of this, the Tanna (sage) is not coming to diminish love between man and woman. For certainly one should "love his wife like his body". He is not at all speaking on this. Only that excessive talk with the woman lowers him fom his level of male and draws him towards the physicality which inexistence clings to. Due to this, he causes evil to himself.

This is also what they said: "neglects the study of Torah". For the woman is [more] physical. "Her wisdom is only in the spindle" (Yomah 66b). Therefore, whoever speaks excessively to the woman "neglects the study of torah".

Thus, when he turns to the speech of a woman who is physical, this is the opposite of words of torah. This is not similar to a case where he turns to mundane speech or the like (with a man). For that does not annul him from words of torah and immediately when he stops, he can return to torah.

But for speech with the woman, through this, he turns to the physical woman and clings to her. For a man clings to his wife. Such a thing is a total turning away from the torah. For he separates to increase speech with the physical woman. Through this is drawn the bitul (annulment) from words of torah.

"in the end inherits Gehinom" - this is the same matter we spoke. For "inexistence" clings to the woman, and when he increases speech with her, he turns from his level and turns towards inexistence (i.e. he goes down from the higher existence he has to illuminate himself and the world with the wisdom of torah - Translator). Therefore, he inherits Gehinom. For Gehinom is but absence of existence, as we will clarify.

(Gehinom is the state of "non-existence." It is the consequence of a person failing to fulfill his role in this world, since he then lacks any connection to an eternal existence - Rabbi Shaya Karlinsky)

This is not the same as the woman herself on whom clings inexistence. For due to that she cannot be called a "baalat Gehinom" (designated for Gehinom). The woman's portion is in Gan Eden just like the man.

But this that the man turns from his level to increase speech with the woman upon whom inexistence clings to relative to his level, on him it says "in the end inherits Gehinom". For in Gehinom, there is the Avadon (destruction) of man, and absence of his existence. For Gehinom is called "Avadon" (destruction). It is also called "tzia" and "neshia". All the names of Gehinom teach on he who comes there, that he is a "possessor of inexistence" (baal he'eder).. Thus they said: "in the end inherits Gehinom"..

Without a doubt, this is the correct explanation of the words of our sages, unlike those who explain this with imagination and their own logic. These things we said are words of wisdom which are also brought in other places by our sages. In the talmud (Bava Metzia 59a):

"Rav says: whoever follows the counsel of his wife falls into Gehinom, as it is stated: 'But there was none like Ahab, [who did give himself over to do that which was evil in the sight of G-d, whom Jezebel his wife incited]' (I Kings 21:25). Rav Pappa said to Abaye: But don't people say a popular saying: 'If your wife is short, stoop and whisper to her and consult with her?' The Gemara answers: This is not difficult, as this statement of Rav instructs that one not follow her counsel in general matters; and that saying instructs that one follow her counsel in household matters. The Gemara presents another version of this distinction: This statement of Rav maintains that one should not follow her counsel in matters of Heaven; and that saying maintains that one should follow her counsel in worldly matters."

There they explained all the things mentioned here:

In the first statement of Rav: "whoever follows the counsel of his wife falls into Gehinom" - for the man who is tzura (form), if he is drawn after the woman, who is of physicality and the physical is of inexistence, and he listens to her and goes after her advice, without a doubt it is proper for him to fall into Gehinom. For the matter of Gehinom is nothing but complete inexistence. Thus the names of Gehinom teach, such as she'ol (pit), avadon (destruction), tzelmavet (shadow of death). And since the tzura (form) turns from its level to be drawn after the physical in which clings inexistence, he falls in Gehinom, just like [by him] the Tzura (form) was drawn after the physical.

They asked: "But don't people say a popular saying: 'If your wife is short, stoop and whisper to her and consult with her?' The Gemara answers: This is not difficult, as this statement of Rav instructs that one not follow her counsel in general matters; and that saying instructs that one follow her counsel in household matters".

The explanation is that for "household matters", it is not called that the man is turning after the woman. Because the woman is the Akeret Bayit (housekeeper) of a man. This is the normal order of the world. Thus, if he goes after her advice in this, we don't say that the man who is the Tzura (form) turns and is drawn after the physical and turns away from his level. For in the woman's being the Akeret Habayit (housekeeper), in this aspect, inexistence does not cling to her. On the contrary, she is the foundation of the existence of the house, and it is proper to follow her advice there. But for other things in which the woman is not primary, if the man follows her advice, he is then drawn after inexistence and falls to Gehinom.

"Another version of this distinction: This statement of Rav maintains that one should not follow her counsel in matters of Heaven; and that saying maintains that one should follow her counsel in worldly matters."

According to the "second version" whereby in "worldly matters" one should follow his wife's advice.. and it is not considered then that he is drawn after inexistence. The explanation is that this world, which is physical, it's level is the level of the woman who is of physicality. Therefore from this aspect he does not have a fall in Gehinom. On the contrary, it is proper for him to follow his wife's advice for matters of this world. For they are physical matters and the woman is primary in this. But in matters of Heaven whereby certainly the man is Tzura (form) and the woman is of physicality, inexistence clings to her. Then it is relevant to say that the man is drawn after the inexistence, and if he goes after her advice, he falls in Gehinom, namely, he will come to inexistence and lacking. (he will fail to fulfill his role).

We wrote these things to clarify to you that our explanation is a clear matter.

Furthermore in Berachot (61a): "after a lion but not after a woman", i.e. although a lion can kill a man, but nevertheless it is not as dangerous as one who goes after a woman. For the lion's power over "inexistence" is not like the woman's power. Thus, after a man is drawn after a woman, in this, the man who is Tzura (form) is drawn after the physical. It is total destruction for the Tzura when it is drawn after the physical. Without a doubt, it is a greater evil for him than to go after a lion. Even though the lion can inflict damage, but this is not in essence of the lion. It's intent is only to kill and eat. But the inexistence that clings to the physical, this matter is in its essence. Thus, the lion sometimes damages and sometimes does not like all incidental matters, But it is not so for one who goes after the woman. We will explain more later with G-d's help.

We have clarified that these two sages, Yossi ben Yoezer and Yossi ben Yochanan, both came to rectify man's home in the service of G-d.

You will find that Antignos of Socho (previous mishna) exhorted man on the service of G-d itself, that it be with love and with fear. For he was only one receiver (of the torah). He was in place of a pair (of sages).

After him, the receivers of the torah were in pairs. Therefore, Antignos gave mussar like two sages of the pairs. For in the pairs, one exhorted on the service of G-d out of love while the second exhorted on the service of G-d out of fear, so that together, they would perfect (mashlim) a man in love and fear of some matter which is proper to perfect.

But Antignos who was first, he exhorted a man on the love and fear itself. Since he was first and earlier, it was proper for him to exhort on the first matter in the service of G-d, namely, love and fear itself. For love and fear are the primary beginning of the service of G-d.

Afterwards, Yossi ben Yoezer and Yossi ben Yochanan came to rectify man's home which is a great primary matter. It is close to man himself, for that is where he resides. They came to rectify it will love and fear.

Thus, Yossi ben Yoezer exhorted that there should be sages in his home and that he become dusty with the dust of their feet.

Our sages said (Sifri Devarim): " 'to love the L-ord your G-d and to cling to Him' (Devarim 11:22) - but is it possible for man to cling to the Shechina (Divine presence), is it not written 'the L-ord your G-d is a consuming fire' (Devarim 4:24)? Rather, cling to the Sages and their disciples, and I will consider it as if you had clinged to the Divine presence".

Thus, clinging to the sages is love of G-d, or at least, a branch of love of G-d. Therefore, Yossi ben Yoezer, disciple of Antignos who exhorted on love, came to rectify man's home. Namely, that there exist there love of G-d through love of the sages which is the trait of love of G-d, or at least a branch or lower level of love of G-d.

Yossi ben Yochanan rectified man's home with fear of G-d. This is what he said: "Let your home be open wide", i.e. there should be people entering to ask their needs (ex.to borrow things), or "Let your home be open wide" to guests coming in and out. Likewise for "let the poor be members of your household", all this so that one not be stingy with his money. For one who is stingy towards people and all the more so towards the poor, he diminishes fear of Heaven. Thus, he does not pay attention (mashgiach) to people that need him. For one who fears Heaven is submitted (nichna, humble) not having haughtiness of spirit. Therefore, he does not send away the poor who are submitted (humble, due to their poverty). Likewise for the guest who is wandering (from place to place). Rather, one who fears Heaven draws close the poor who are submitted. But one whose eye is stingy towards others and does not pity the poor, he is a sinner and is removing from himself the yoke of fear of Heaven.

All the more so, "do not converse excessively with a woman", for this is lightheadedness (kalut rosh) and removal of the yoke of fear of Heaven. Thus Yossi ben Yochanan came with these three things to rectify man's home.

We already explained that Yossi ben Yoezer rectified man's home so that it be in the likeness of the man himself. For the Intellect stands in man's body and man's body is like a meeting house. Thus, Yossi ben Yoezer exhorted that one's house be similar to how G-d created man, as we explained earlier.

For the soul (nefesh) inside man sits in his body and is the master of the house. This soul which sits in his house is "open wide" to provide for inside, namely, the inner organs, who receive their life force and maintenance from the soul. This soul, the master of the home, does not have a complete connection with the physical. Rather the soul (nefesh) is separated (nivdal). It is not fixed in it.

On this Yossi ben Yochanan said: "Let your home be open wide", to provide for those who come from outside. Through this he is like the soul who sits in the house (body) which provides [life force] for the organs who are from the outside.

He said "and let the poor be members of your household", that you provide for the poor inside. For the soul which provides for the inner organs which are considered "members of his household" (bnei beto), so that he provides for all, whether the inner and outer organs, and all the inner powers and the powers which receive their life force from the soul.

(Translator: note that what scientists study about the body is only the outermost physical shell of what's happening. For living things are a composite of physical and spiritual powers. Go and see how scientists are totally incapable of fully understanding even the "simplest" bacteria. The more they go in the more baffled they become at all that's happening in that little universe of bottomless complexity. And that is but the outermost physical shell.)

And just like the soul is separated, it does not at all have a full connection to the physical, so too it is not proper for the master of the house (baal habayit) to have too much connection to the woman with idle speech.

Understand according to this what he said: "whoever converses excessively with a woman causes evil to himself, neglects the study of Torah, and in the end inherits Gehinom". For when the soul is attaching to the physical it is certainly idle from torah. Thus, he certainly causes evil to himself. For he clings to the evil physical and certainly descends to Gehinom which is inexistence.

Understand these things very much and you will understand the theme of the words of the sages. For Yossi ben Yoezer rectified the intellect, and the intellect is the Nassi (leader, chief) just like he was the Nassi. While Yossi ben Yochanan of Jerusalem rectified the soul (nefesh). For the nefesh (soul) is the Av Beit Din (chief judge).

This is known from the words of our sages. In the Midrash Rabba (Vayikra ch.4):
" 'when a nefesh sins' (Vayikra 4:27), the nefesh is set at a place of mishpat (judgment). Since it went out of its place of mishpat, therefore it must bring an offering".

Here is not the place to elaborate on this. For it is a matter of wondrous wisdom.

Now you will understand how the first pair of sages rectified a man with mussar totally like the mussar of Antignos. For Antignos rectified the man himself with love and fear. While his disciples, the first pair (of sages) rectified what is similar to man with love and fear, namely, man's home.

With this you will understand the whole order of things. For the "men of the great assembly" began with three matters of mussar related to the torah which is above everything. For all three things from the "men of the great assembly" were to rectify the torah and the intellect (sechel) whether in judgment (mishpat), or [understanding] words of torah, or mitzvot of the torah.

These things encompass everything that applies to the torah and the torah is above all existence and above the whole world. Afterwards, Shimon Hatzadik came to rectify the pillars of the world which are below the torah. Afterwards, his disciple Antignos came to rectify man himself who is primary in the world. Man is like a miniature world, a world by himself. Afterwards, the first pair came to rectify man's home. Namely, that it be analogous to man himself in everything, as we wrote. Without a doubt, this is the true and clear order of things [in this mishna]...

~Level 4~
Chida - Zeroah Yamin - "inherits Gehinom - he used the term "inheritance" (yerusha) because our sages said (as brought in Yearot Devash pg.74): the Serpent flees from fire. For it is from the foundation of earth, as written: "the serpent - earth is his bread" (Isaiah 65:25), and the foundation of earth is completely distant from the foundation of fire. In Kidushin (30b): "says the Holy One, blessed be He, 'I have created the evil inclination, and I have created the Torah as its antidote'" . For the torah is holy fire and the yetzer hara is earth which flees away from fire. This is why the wicked are sentenced to Gehinom, to burn off the filth of the serpent. For he can only be rectified with fire. This is also why they said: "The removal of chametz (leavened bread) is to be accomplished only through burning" (Pesachim 21a).

This is the meaning of: "whoever converses excessively with a woman". For she is a mishkan (Sanctuary) of the Sitra Achra (i.e. man brings tumah on himself by speaking too much with a woman due to natural animalistic lust - translator). All the more so when she is a Nidda, for her Tuma is strong.

"causes evil to himself" - the black garment (gunda) of the serpent, "to himself", for it clings to him and his flesh. This leads to being drawn to idleness from torah which is the antidote to the Yetzer Hara. When it strengths more and he stops to learn (torah), there is no medicine to remove the filth and chase away the serpent except for Gehinom.

He used the term "inheritance" which implies it is prepared and comes by itself to a man. So too from the time he came to excessive talk with the woman, one evil after another comes to him. For both the Sitra Achra and Gehinom are called "evil", and it is prepared for him like an inheritance.

~Level 4~
Chida - Kikar l'Eden - This person brought himself to excessive speech with the woman, bringing sin upon his shoulders. For kol b'isha erva (the voice of a woman is nakedness/incitement to lust), v'histaklut b'nashim zima v'avon plili (staring at women is lewdness and a great sin). Thus, he allowed and prepared himself for the ruling over him of the Sitra Achra, which is called "evil". This is the meaning of "causes evil to himself". The Sitra Achra strengthens over him and does not allow him to learn torah. It wraps around him and he has many beteilim (distractions) preventing him from learning. One evil after another befalls him. For Gehinom is called "evil". He inherits his fellow's portion in Gehinom for he did not merit (Gan Eden), leaving him with his portion and his fellow's in Gehinom, as our sages said:

"Every person has two portions, one in Gan Eden and one in Gehinom. If he merits, by becoming righteous, he takes his portion and the portion of his wicked colleague in the Gan Eden; if he is found culpable by becoming wicked, he takes his portion and the portion of his colleague in Gehinom" (Chagigah 15a).

This is the meaning of "and in the end inherits Gehinom", like an inheritance which comes by itself.

~Level 4~
Chida - Petach Einayim Eruvin 53b - Another explanation, through much talk he will come to lashon hara (slander), whereby he exchanges his merits with the sins of the person he spoke on. Thus he "inherits" Gehinom coming from another place.

Just how far is this fence of "do not converse excessively with a woman", we can learn from the Talmud: "Rabbi Yosei HaGelili was walking along the way, and met Berurya (the wife of Rabbi Meir). He said to her: 'On which path should I walk in order to get to Lod?' She said to him: 'Foolish Galilean, didn't the Sages say: Do not talk much with women? You should have said your question more succinctly: Which way to Lod?'" (Eruvin 53b).

We learn from here just how far is the fence of "do not converse excessively with a woman". He should have said: "Which way to Lod". All the rest is "excessive talk". Woe to us from the Day of Judgment, Woe to us from the Day of Rebuke.