My mother passed away 1-year ago. The wedding will be incredibly difficult without her and in addition, when it comes to jewish weddings a mother plays an important role. I will get married in an orthodox ceremony (United Synagogue, London) and would like to be escorted just by my dad to the chuppah. I can't imagine having somebody else by my side. I would like to know if there are any rules or laws that would allow or forbid that? I would be fine walking alone if necessary but not with an aunt or a friend by my site. I appreciate all your help! .
Viktoria, London
Dear Viktoria,
The loss of your mother and her absence from this very special moment in your life is very difficult. We pray that you will find comfort and solace in knowing that she is with you in spirit and present with you in all of your joyful moments.
Regarding who walks the bride down to the Chupah, usually the custom is that there is a Rabbi or a very learned layman who directs the service and he should be capable of answering all of the questions involved. Here, I will offer my opinion, but if your Rabbi says differently, please certainly follow his opinion.
The custom of accompanying the Chatan and Kallah to the Chupah (a custom called "Shoshvinim" in the Talmud) is not an obligation but merely a "Minhag Tov" -- a nice practice. In the Ashkenazi community, the custom is that a married couple escort the Kallah (and Chatan) to the Chupah. Some authorities recommend that this be a couple in their first marriage, others say that it should be a couple who have children. In Sefardic communities, these customs are less binding although they are often followed.
These costumes are meant to symbolize a "Siman Tov" -- a good omen for the newlyweds' marriage. They are not an integral part of the Chupah service or marriage. If following this custom will cause you sadness on your wedding day, then I would say that you certainly may skip it. The custom is meant to be a good, positive, happy omen that brings you more joy.
Again, it would be wiser to consult the Rabbi of the synagogue or the authority who will be leading the ceremony and follow his guidance.
In any case, Mazal Tov on your wedding! May you and your Chatan be blessed to build a Bayit Ne'eman b'Yisrael!
Best regards,
Aharon Steiner