More Discussions for this daf
1. The "Hechsher Mitzvah" in honoring one's parents 2. Kibud Av va'Em vs. Other Mitzvos 3. Insights to the Daf
4. Kibud Av 5. Mi'Toch 6. Setirah in Tosfos
7. Rashi says Bitmiah 8. כיביד אב ואם ומצוות אחרות
DAF DISCUSSIONS - YEVAMOS 6

littmana asked:

I understand that the mitzvoh of kibud av - technically - is to feed, clothe and take care of the physical needs of the parent. But, does the hano'oh given a parent when a child performs his/her wishes (the nachas ruach knowing that the child is willing to listen to the parent even when the request may seem unreasonable) constitute Kibud AV? It might not be a physical hano'oh like feeding but does ruchniusdicke hano'oh count as well as kibud-av?

i.e. a parent asks a child to wear a white shirt can he refuse and wear a black shirt (albeit with the greatest kovod)?

The Kollel replies:

(a) One must be exceptionally careful with the Mitzvah of Kibud Av v'Eim. One who cheapens or disgraces his parents is cursed by the Torah (Devarim 27:16). The Sefer Charedim (9:35) brings an opinion that to feel disdain in the heart concerning a parent is also included in the curse! And there even exists an opinion that not giving proper honor is also included in the curse (although most learn that being cursed is only with negative action or thought).

Causing pain or disgrace is more severe than refraining from honor.

(b) Concerning fulfilling a parent's request when the parent has no actual pleasure other than the pleasure of fulfilling his request, there is extensive discussion in the Poskim. Some say there is still a Mitzvah. Some say no Mitzvah exists (but perhaps there is reward for obeying). Some learn that the severity of the Mitzvah is not the same, but one should fulfill his father's will. (See Talmudic Encyclopedia vol. 26 pp. 386-388.)

The Sefer Chasidim (#340) writes that one should not fast (voluntarily) if a parent is pained by his fasting.

(c) We find in Shulchan Aruch YD 240:25 that a student can leave his father's city against his will to learn Torah if he feels this is better for his learning. Also, if he wants to marry a certain woman and his father refuses to allow him to do so, there is no need to listen to his father's refusal.

For actual Halachah, a competent Rabbi should be consulted.

All the best,

Reuven Weiner

littmana responded:

If there is "kibud av" during "following the parents's wishes" then, in the following gm. on Yevamos 6: [line 9] HECHSHER MITZVAH - (a) he can only carry out the Mitzvah [of Kibud Av of slaughtering or cooking, when he is transgressing Shabbos] (RASHI); (b) he is only preparing to do the Mitzvah [of Kibud Av when he is transgressing Shabbos by leading a laden donkey, and that is why Kibud Av v'Em is not Docheh the Lo Sa'aseh of Shabbos] (TOSFOS)

it should not only be Hechsher Mitzvah but the Mitzvah itself and, therefore, it should be doche shabbos!?

The Kollel replies:

Dear littmana,

Your question is only according to Tosfos. (According to Rashi, Hechsher is a Chumra, and the Mitzvah is Docheh Kares because the cooking must be done, not like Yibum, since Chalitzah is also possible.)

According to Tosfos we can answer as follows: The father is interested only in the outcome of the act i.e. receiving what the donkey carries. Causing the donkey to carry is NOT called doing his father's wish, it is only the Hechsher, the preliminary step in order to fulfill his father's wish, and is not Docheh Shabbos.

All the best,

Reuven Weiner